How Much is Too Much Work in a Relationship?

All relationships take work. Most of us have heard this refrain multiple times in our lives or even multiple times in a week. Yet for so many people there is an understanding that if a relationship was meant to be, it would exist without intense effort. As a couples therapist, I am constantly reminded by my clients that the relationships that thrive the most are the relationships where each partner does their most work. 

Please separate "work" from harm. You should work for:

1. Connection

2. Understanding

3. Finding quality time

4. Coping with illness

5. Celebrating accomplishments

6. Facilitating healthy communication

Some examples of harm that cannot be addressed well in couples counseling include:

1. Domestic Violence

2. Substance Abuse 

3. Disordered Eating

if you don't know if your problem is "workable" or if the relationship should come to a healthy end, try couples counseling. Most therapists can advise what they can support with and what should be grieved and left behind.